The MBR cover called it, 'the ride of your life.' I call it '46km of monotonous firetrack sh*t.' Yes my current disenchantment with mountain biking was initiated by my experience of the 'Skyline' trail at Afan Argoed and accelerated a day later by what can only be described as 'a serving of pig swill,' to coin one of the captain's more regrettable phrases. The only difference being that he apologised over 20 times for his hasty and thoughtless description of our post-ride refreshments last month. But last night there were no apologies after yet another poorly organised 'committee ride' turned into almost mutinous chaos.

June turned to February once again for one night with cold temperatures, rain and gale force winds. Yet it didn't distract a hardy group of 10 moos who embarked upon a ride which was largely devoid of incident. That is apart from 'Dai the eye' who fell off on a simple run-of-the-mill downhill. Mention must also be made of 'Dai shop' who may have the 'tw*t of the month award' sewn up on the very first day of June with a dazzling display of ineptitude and poor personal organisation. If he continues to let himself down with such episodes then we have a hunch that Crock's prediction of 'going through he hoop' could be realised sooner than thought. However on his return from the Pyrenees, I'm sure that with some other monster truck related incident, that Crock could still be in line for his hat-trick of unorthodox behaviour awards.

Dezzy's bike has now made 100% more appearances than him this year with a grand total of one. Seventy five year old veteran Gordon Scripps was kindly loaned the Orange Five still with stickers and reflectors attached, as his trusty Willier was away at the Discovery Channel headquarters in Texas in preparation for this year's Tour de France. Apparently residents of the Biffin's Bridge naturist colony were confused this week when one caravan took delivery of a hypoxic sleeping chamber. The training regime certainly seemed to be paying dividends, with the senior pro powering his way to the top of the two mile climb in pole position. The veteran was aglee with his accomplishment until realising that the rest of the Moos had planned a different ascent, and he had, in fact, engaged his famous 'selective hearing' on being called back. On a recent visit to the vets, I was informed that it was an ailment common in old dogs.

After several cold puncture delays it was back to HQ via some famous Machen Mountain singletrack which seemed to redeem most of the waning enthusiasm. The vanguard was taken by Beaker, who must be congratulated for his recent competitive downhill efforts. The carrot- topped foul-mouthed bike-fixing muppet show look-a-like can be seen below celebrating after a recent Dragon Downhill event.

I also enclose a snapshot taken only last weekend of his shiny downhill steed.

After a miserable week on the trail, it is now up to stunty to serve up a Moos renaissance this Saturday with a trip to Afan. 'Shiteline' will not be on the menu. Well that's mountain biking!!

shred the gnarl dudes.

gaz