The reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated – Mark Twain circa. 1900

The reports of my decline have not been exaggerated – Gordon Bernard Scripps Thornton ECG circa. 2006

Yes, the end of an era is almost nigh, our formerly untouchable formidable elder statesman we affectionately refer to as Scrippsy has almost decided to call time on his Moos career and retire from riding, and judging by his appearance and strange behaviour also looks to be retiring from life.

With it being the time of the year for our annual summer trip, it was as no surprise that Scrippsy whose name had been down on the list to go from the very beginning, started to issue grumblings about not making an appearance on the trip, like I said this is nothing new as he does it every year, but this time the old timer stuck to his word, (even after ringing me on Saturday morning to say he was going to travel down with Jock that afternoon as a non rider) and didn’t turn up!

With Scrippsy, Captain Ryan the Steam and former Captain Owgie not making the trip we were extremely thin on the ground with characters, but this didn’t stop us from having the usual fun. With Myself, Geoff OBE, Bernaard, Chrissie, Harty and 8inch Dave Buchanan making the trip down on the Friday night.

A good night was had by all especially when we found ourselves at the end of the night in the middle of a foam party. By this time we had our old friends ‘ The Porlock Boys’ John and Rich Sparkes in tow, and when as we entered the classy club paying a monumental sum of one whole pound on the door, Chrissie said “When I was on holidays in Rhodes with my parents last year, I almost choked at one of these foam parties!” This immediately drew laughs of derision from Geoff OBE who told Chrissie to “Stop talking nonsense!!” Half an hour later and Geoff was eating his words as well as a mouthful or 2 of thick foam which had been spewed out from the various cannons on the dance floor!!!

Suitably drenched and ready to go back to the hotel we decided on one last drink, it was at this point that some cider drinking, tractor driving, ruddy faced, local worzel called Jethro took exception to us drinking at ‘his’ bar, and proceeded to cause a disturbance, the bouncers were swiftly dispatched and ejected Jethro and his fellow worzels from the club.

With everyone enjoying their last drink, the biggest one amongst us Bernaard was heard whimpering “Bloody hell we’re going to get a kicking when we go outside, they’re going to waiting for us, sniffle sniffle”!!

This was especially unusual to hear considering what happened the next morning, because myself Chrissie and Bernaard were sharing a room, and both of us were woken up by Bernaard flexing his biceps and proudly caressing his hardness and declaring “Look at these ‘big guns’ they are no ornaments, these are the real deal!!”

It’s a shame then that the only exercise ‘The Guns’ would of got the previous night if indeed there had been any trouble would have been Bernaard frantically waving them around to try and flag a taxi to take him out of harms way!!!!!!

With a few thick heads and Bernaard still polishing his ornaments the rest of the Moos herd arrived, although Crock and Johnsy got lost along the way, they did eventually turn up half an hour later which was a damn shame for the rest of us, but there you are!!!

John and Rich turned up looking worse for wear after reacquainting themselves with the previous nights food and beer, and proceeded to tell us that the ride would be commencing with a good hours climb!

So off we went and after what seemed an eternity we eventually stopped, the track had sort of flattened out and most of us thought that we had reached the top, only to be told that we were about half way. But in all fairness what was to come was well worth the climb. The downhill sections were superb, but with the first bit being quite rocky Harty and Marty succumbed to punctures, with Harty having a second blow out as he was furiously pumping away at his new tube!!!

The Porlock boys then led us to a section of single track that had been creatively designed by some other riders and contained a lot of wooden jumps, bridges and drop offs. It was here that Jimmy McAnus was commended by the rest of the Moos, as apart from Porlock Rich he was the only one to complete a monstrous 45 degree jump, and it was a real shame that we didn’t catch it on camera, especially as after making a successful landing, he proceeded to hit a tree stump and ended up eating some dirt!! From Hero to Zero!!!!

As usual the ride was punctuated with the mandatory pub stop to suitably refresh with such athletic substances as several pints of beer and a bowl of chips!!

It was now getting late and the boys were eager to get back, so we decided to take a direct route, unfortunately this meant 5 miles of steep climb and then a quick mile descent back down to the village of Porlock. As we entered the village, the annual carnival was in full flow, and our very own pair of clowns Crock and Johnsy fitted in very well indeed!!

Most of the Moos were very tired, especially the Friday night alcoholics so it was decided to have a sensible meal and to stay in the village. Although the sensible side of things didn’t last long as we soon resorted to playing beer games!! A new game was invented which was a variation on ‘spin the bottle’. In this case a children’s lego cats head was placed on top of a beer bottle and spun round and whoever the friendly pussy ended up staring at, had to drink their beer! Unfortunately Marty seemed to end up constantly staring at the pussy, getting his lips wet more often then the rest of us, with the result being a quivering mess by the end of the night!!!!!!

With a few nightcaps back at the hotel and a surprise midnight phone call from our absent Captain, who greeted his Moos herd in his own special ‘eloquent’ way, it was off to bed and the end of another eventful Miggly Moo summer trip!

After a long period without any celebrities posing with a Moos jersey, there are several new ones on the site this week.

BREAKING NEWS……….Wed 06.09.06. 2215hrs Reuters, CNN, BBCWorld report..... After weeks of speculation Former Captain of the Machen Miggly Moos Mr Gordon Bernard Scripps Thornton ECG has indeed decided to call time on his Moos career and announce his retirement with immediate effect………………….More to follow………….