Greetings earthlings,

it's been a while since I've had the dubious honour of reporting Wednesday evening events from the trails of the MTB Metropolis that is Machen, and what an incident packed ride to report upon this week. I'll keep it brief as I've very little time with only four weeks of my holiday left. The main happenings are as follows:

1. As expected the vice captain did not show for his ride, despite him being spotted 'sneaky riding' in the woods earlier in the week by another Moo. Not even his Dad could make an excuse for him this week (as has been the case previously) as he drove past the 11 Moos gathered awaiting the presence of their VC. Apparently he made a last-minute phone call to Mark explaining that he was suffering from self-inflicted salmonella poisoning, after seeing the recent improvements made by his work colleague and 'Slimmer of the Year' elect Marty.

2. Crash of the Year seems to be sewn up, although we will have to check the club constitution as to whether riding with the Moos for a mere 10 minutes warrants young Jason from Cardiff the prize. And what a crash as the double Tudor Gardens Drop claims yet another casualty - this time indeed sending the high seated Cardiffian straight to casualty. It was Jason's first ride and it lasted all of one small climb and a descent via the second half of the 'back trail.' Despite Mark's warnings, the maiden moo riding lad got a big dose of bravery, and rode the famously nasty drop both blind and with saddle up. The sympathetic Beaker stressed 'schoolboy error!' whilst watching from below as the rookie got it wrong big style. The less sympathetic Crock exclaimed 'get off the f*****g trail' whilst waiting at the top, as the newby rolled in agony at the bottom. The clearly shaken, cut and winded Jason however, must have been most worried at Jimmy's shout of 'pump him!!' - Jim has yet to explain why he wished to exploit a clearly injured and distressed rider! Anyway respect is due to Jason who in his clearly shaken state gave us the wrong mobile number to contact him as we were taking photos of his hugely gashed knee with patella (that's not your chocky spread Opsh!) showing. Photos I am sure will be published on this site very shortly - squeamish folk should probably not look at them! Anyway Jason, if you are reading this article then please e-mail the site so we know how you got on. Hope you are OK and that we see you out again pretty soon. For any Goons reading - you will be taking on 'Jason's leap' as it will now be known, next Wednesday - enjoy!

3. Scrippsy had his arse in his hand again last night. After getting 'big air' as he described it, on the first downhill, and completing Garlic lane without a dab the Senior Pro was going like a train. It all went wrong after he accelerated away from the pack on the climb from Lower Machen, crossing the main road, checking over his shoulder and sprinting away to try and claim glory over the top of Ochrwyth. Yes we saw you looking over your shoulder to check the gap on a couple of occasions. However the cryogenically enhanced Moo was soon blighted by a puncture which nobody stopped to help him with, which was poor etiquette indeed. I considered riding back down to help him but was dissuaded by the rest of the Moos who showed a complete lack of respect toward the Sanderson-riding legend. Gordon then disappeared down the velvet path and failed to show for refreshments at the TA, a first as far as I can remember and a matter which may be addressed next week with the Goons return visit.

4. The ride itself was undertaken in near perfect dusty conditions and the trails were quick and well ridden by all Moos. The final descent from Machen Mast was superb with many riders completing the 'non-optional' bus stops for the first time. All rode skilfully and confidently and the smiles back at HQ were evidence of yet another cracking ride. I very bravely sat next to Jim following his 'pump him!' comment, as injured new Moo Johnsy appeared at least for a beer - setting an example that more established Moos could follow.

Roll on next Wednesday and the return of the Goons. We look forward to taking Johnny and the lads on trails old and new. 6.30 in the usual place boys.

Gaz.

P.S. Scrippsy has kindly donated his Willier frame to the Moos to create a spare 'club' bike which anyone (Chrissy) can use. Beaker will be building the steed so speak to the Ginger Tourette's sufferer if you have some components that you want to donate.