It’s almost 3 weeks into the New Year and there is still no sign of the Lesser Spotted Large Jacksied Italian, or should I say has ANYONE SPOTTED The Large Jacksied Italian?? There has been a lot of speculation that our former 'Rider of the Year' has decided to call it a day and stay at home and that his biceps that he so proudly self professes to be “My Big Guns” are now just something to polish, just like all the other ornaments on his sideboard!!!
Ryan The Steam!! that once proud tea making stalwart, who’s every infusion was welcomed like a gift from heaven amongst his work colleagues, has sadly brewed up for the last time. His trusty Burco Boiler complete with lime scale has been melted down and made into cheap jewellery in time for this years Christmas crackers and old Ryan The Steam has been shown the door. Like all genius’s he had his flaws, and the fundamental error made was trying to hoodwink his workmates into drinking a different brand of tea. From the heady days when only Yorkshire Tea or Glengettie would do for the Steam, he tried to save money and Happy Shopper packs of 840 tea bags for 59p did not go down well with the Tea Time connoisseurs. So after a swiftly arranged board meeting at Steam Town, the unanimous decision was made to relieve him, and of his duties, and that he should leave with immediate effect. With the fall out of this decision still sending shockwaves around the tea drinking fraternity, he is not to be known as Ryan the Steam anymore but by using some good old fashioned rhyming slang he is now to be known as Ryan Rock’n’Roll (On The Dole)!!!
In the week that has seen David Beckham leave for the USA for a 9 figure sum, Scrippsy has also been offered a tidy figure to follow in his footsteps. Whereas old Becks has been snapped up by LA Galaxy, the Scrippsmeister has been signed up by LO Fantasy (Leg Over Fantasy) Productions which apparently are very big in the adult film making industry. For after reading his recent novels they would like him to ghost write the biography’s of some of its biggest clients, already signed up are Ben Dover, Ivor Rived and Jackie Lation, and judging by Scrippsy’s recent pasty complexion and gaunt appearance a ghost writer is what they’ll get in every sense of the word!!!!
It was nice to see a few more old faces out riding this week, with the return of our very own Stone Tortoise Hurling Champion Jock, Lookalike Specialist Harty, and the former UK Pie and Ice Cream eating Champion (Southern Section) Dickie Watkins. Although many thought the reason for Steve’s absence was due to a thumb injury sustained on the Santa Ride and the fact that he has been busy plotting the downfall of the Fantasy Island Favourite Geoff ‘ It’s a Plane, It’s a Plane Nick Nack’ Davies who is having his stag this weekend, the real reason was that Harty has been sulking, due to the fact that he didn’t walk away with last years attendance award.
Apparently after Jock had said at the awards that he expected Crock to take the award again, Harty was overheard saying “No way!! I’ve only missed 2 rides this year I’ll be well p****d off if I don’t get it”!! So you can imagine his disappointment when it wasn’t awarded this year, mainly due to the fact that after his own attempt to take the award was spoilt by too many late night tea drinking shifts, The Rider formerly known as Ryan The Steam decided to stop taking attendance figures in late March. So to cheer Steve up he has now been installed on the Awards Board as best Attendance for last year, please no more throwing the toys out of the pram as you need to hang on to them for your new arrival later on in the year!!!!!
With 'Rider of the Year' Marty struggling to reproduce the form which won him the title, Dickie has already laid down an early marker to wrest the accolade away from him. Wednesday saw an interesting battle develop within the midfield of the Moos herd, with both Dickie and Crock trying to out gun each other on the last climb of the night. Dickie eventually prevailed and although sheer guts and determination have a big part to play, it’s also the support and back up from your family and a settled life that also plays a major part in realising your dreams.
Although the eldest of the two Watkins boys Dickie has had to play second fiddle to younger brother Chris and has constantly put up with being referred to as “Son Number 2” even through this adversity he has still managed to do something with his life! Crock being the middle child in his family has constantly had the words “What the hell has that idiot done now” ringing in his ears, and being compared to his two sisters who have also managed to make something of themselves. Dickie finds himself in a lovely home with a lovely wife (although the Captain does say that they bicker too much) and has the support of all those around him. Crock lives in a self made hovel with a string of failed relationships behind him and at 35 finds himself left on the top shelf with all the dirty magazines!!! Or maybe it’s just because Dickie is a far better rider……
All the best once again
Ex-Vice Cap
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