The captain has asked me to pen some regal observations from last night’s debacle. I am far too busy to lower myself to this menial task. Selling super quality, pre loved carriages to the nobility of the land takes up a great deal of my valuable time so I have passed the task on to the menial staff of my butler James and my PA Beryl, both of whom are paid almost minimal wage and assure me that they are highly academically qualified so we can be sure that they will give the matter their full attention. I will sign off now and leave the report for them on my Dictaphone. I’m off to clock cars.

Ownlee 15 subjekts bothered two turn up four this riyde inluding option woo only cums when there is a chance of sum water sports with scrippsy. Ther was no shows from chris, Anthony, dickie and scrippsy (althow throwing water was provided free of charge).

The ride wus kwite fast, and as expected the too Cardiff gents of farquar and marty showed extreme pace and only an inbuilt decency allowed them to slow down for the valley comandoes bringing up the reer. Crock wus nocked off by kev the plane and donated 25 gramms of skin to the Cardiff council highways depurtmunt.

I was most unfortunut to get lost but cannot be blamed in any way as my sat nav malfund….malflic…..milflo…broke and wen I changed to my gps from harrods that bugger didn’t work.

In conlushun, the ride was not wot we all expect in fact it wus Crape and beaker should be taken out into the courtyard , stripped naked and hav hedgehogs hurled at him by the rest of yoo peasants.

Congrats to Steve on thew birth of his baby girl.i am hoping for a prince or princess soon.

DON’T FORGET

Next weeks ride 15 minutes earlier we’re going to Cwmcarn

Yours sincerely

Lord Farquar