May I take this opportunity to say what an honour it is to submit a ride report on behalf of the odes master!!!

There is a reason for this???? Third ride of the year, NO Captain, NO vice Captain present!!!!!!!! What the feck is going on???? The Capt forced out with work commitment (acceptable excuse) & Option? Well where was he to take control of the herd? Whilst waiting for him outside the Legion, his old mucker Marty advised that he had spoken to him in work and he was riding tonight, even though his wife and new Son only returned home from hospital a few days ago, congratulations again. We gave him 5 more minutes, but still no sign. (Looks like Fatherhood is taking its toll already mate!) Aaaahhhhh sleepless nights, I remember them well…..

Step forward big Owgie, good job last years captain was present to take over the chaos of no leadership and of course it was his ride anyway….

Off we go Tom, Harty, Owgie, Geoff, Crock, Jock, Marty, Jimmy Mac, Beaker, Ade, Kev the Plane, Strawbs, and of course Scripps.

Heading up Lewis Street and across Cwm Fedw we proceed over the stream and up through the new trail towards the fire track. At this point we are pushing the bikes up this steep climb (something we seem to be doing a lot of this year).

A little breather at the first stop then back to what we do best – Riding bikes.

We headed towards the tips, then taking a left down to the tricky rocky section to take in another pit stop at the bottom. We then proceed down the road then take a left over the cattle grid to enjoy the long run of the rocky path to the bottom ending up in Cross keys. Big Owg asked if anyone fancied liquid refreshment at the Monkey. This wasn’t suitable for bike security, therefore he decided to divert to the ‘Darren’ in Risca via the scenic tour of a dead end industrial estate instead of the park! We all dive in to the pleasant surroundings (although the bar wench did ask me would we be sitting outside or inside to which I replied we would be standing inside) they obviously not keen on 12 muddy athletes sitting on their fine cloth) taking in a bevvie and admiring some of Risca’s finest wildlife.

Rehydrated, we move on up Risca High Street, where Scrippsy took on a high speed pursuit of a Ford KA. Stop chasing those Girlies you dirty old Man, your Daughter isn’t much older!

Having had the luxury of coming down, it was time to go back up and over the Riverbridge through the subway of dog shit and up the steps. Past the brickworks then into yet another boggy wet field (this is another thing that we seem to be riding a lot of this year). A short wait for Jimmy Mac to do a quick bit of repair to his bike then up the fire track to the start of the road that leads to the concrete path. A good effort was made by all, with the exception of those lazy single speed boys who just can’t hack the pace!!! You’re supposed to ride your bikes.

With big Owgie still leading the way, Scrippsy kept muttering ‘I’m going to go the easy way home. Now being the eldest member and an ex-captain may I add, you would think he would know better and to stick with the herd. Owgie quickly put him in his place with his usual insults and he finally saw sense and followed, or did he?

We head towards the concrete path and half way up I’m riding alongside Owg and like a rocket or should I say flash Gordon Scrippy’s speeds past and accidentally pushes Owgie into the steep bank , his wheel twists out of control and he hurls himself straight over the handlebars onto tarmac. We all stop creased with laughter!

Accident (Berni’s Arse) the old fecker attacked him, this must have been retaliation for the verbal abuse given 5 minutes earlier, RESULT!!!!!!!

Owgie quickly remounted to give chase followed by the rest of us, Scrippsy was out of sight he must of popped a Viagra Pill again because he was half way up the concrete path in hot pursuit of Machen’s finest Ewe (aka Dolly the sheep) before Owgie could see him, he finally caught up with him near the top and attempted to push him down the steep drop but didn’t manage to reciprocate as he knew it was coming and jumped off the bike before hand. I don’t think you got away with it Scrippsy WATCH OUT!

We carried on climbing and finally stopped at the corner just below the mast, except for Scrippsy who carried on along the single-track towards the edge of the forest on his own, it’s amazing what fear can do or was he going to launch another attack???

At the point Owgie being a true leader rang the TA to organise grub on behalf of the absent Captain, infact he got a little confused because he actually thought he was Captain Moo the Turd, sweet talking whoever was on the at the end of the phone at the TA with his usual telephone manner.

At last onwards to the final decent and 500yards on we find Scrippsy waiting, he greets us “You W*****s” No Scripps were Called “Machen Miggly Moos” Remember! Poor sole, his alzheimers must be playing him up. He’s obviously not that brave opting to wait for us.

Sorry back to the ride, we enter the forestry to be treated to the new track made by Beaker & Ade some fine burns and jumps included, these guys must have too much time on their hands? Joining back onto their original trail I witnessed Geoff Nick Nak Davies demonstrating how to fall off a bike doing a 5ft drop off in style, fair play that double somersault was impressive!!!

Racing on through the forest then into the lower section where some took on the challenging burm (Beaker, Ade & Tom) apologies if there was more I was walking down the steps along with the other s**t outs. At the bottom we cross the path heading down through the woods and over the pallet bridge, across the railway line and down the tricky decent behind “Graig View”

We all regroup the head to HQ for Refreshments, I say All but in fact this turned out to be incorrect as we noticed when settled in HQ that Owgie was not present.

It was his ride, he took responsibility of the herd in the absence of Captain’s then again sneaked off, unacceptable!! He must have had another (Mary’s Institute) meeting and forgot to tell us. Could this possibly be a Red Card offence??? A tragic end to yet another fine ride….

Finally, I must add that Gaz also recently a new Father (Congratulations) turned up at HQ for some liquid refreshment even though he did not ride. He’s obviously got more stamina than Option?????

What a Team player……

Hopefully normal duties will resume next week!!!!!!

Cheers,

Strawbs