A hatrick!! The idea of choosing someone the week before to lead the following weeks ride, has really taken off, with Gaz (Chris Reeves) serving up another superb ride, which was packed to the rafters with technical sections. Again another good turn out, with 13 or so riders starting the ascent of Turner’s Lane. There was however an early retirement, with Kev (Harold Bishop) deciding that 500yds of riding was enough for him last night, shouting out “That’s it I’ve had enough, I’m never riding again” sound familiar??? and blaming a bad back as the cause of his early withdrawal. The real reason for him going early was that apparently Madge has been giving poor old ‘Bish’ a hard time, as his muffins and flapjacks have not been up to standard recently, and she is now threatening to run off with Lou Carpenter if he doesn’t buck up his ideas!!!!!

Helped by a ten minute head start, Crock was first to get to the top, and when the rest of us reached him, we found him standing there with his trousers around his ankles, to which he explained “I’m just having a quick stretch”???? After waiting for Dickie to finish his ice-cream and to stop fantasizing about flowery summer dresses it was off again with a fast downhill technical section, followed by a steady climb back towards Machen mast. Upon reaching this point, and after suffering the usual banter and practical jokes, the Captain decided to show his mean side. Whereas the 1970’s Incredible Hulk would say “Mr McGee Don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry”, the Captain’s version to Ryan the Steam was “you’ve never seen me hard before have you?” whilst clenching his fist!!!!! Talk like this Captain, will leave your wife gaping, sorry gasping in disbelief as we all try to guess what you really meant to say!!

Back at headquarters the second part of the night got underway in earnest. Dez trying his utmost to impress Quim, decided to indulge in a little ashtray juggling with the result being that he dropped it and it smashed in the fire grate. Undeterred he tried a similar trick with a salt cellar and ended up emptying it all over the boys chips. Seeing that his vain attempt to catch Quim’s eye had failed Dez decided to play his Joker, and proceeded to unleash a 6 second belch - class boy, pure bloody class!!! It was at this point that Tom belatedly joined us, and when asked why he hadn’t joined the ride, he told us he’d been shopping with his brother-in-law. After years of having his clothes bought for him by his wife, it now looks like he’s turned to her brother for help in the fashion department!!!!! Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire!!!

It was at this point of the evening that Ant came into his own. An unexpected visit by his work colleague ‘Pugh the Steam’ meant that the pair of them could indulge in a riveting conversation about the wonders of a Cummins diesel engine!! It was evident that Ant had consulted his infamous dictionary before coming out as he was heard carelessly throwing words around such as, decadent, superlatives, unadulterated, to name but a few. It was obvious too, that Dez had also been reading his dictionary before coming out, as he could be heard uttering words such as mummy, daddy, bunny rabbit and lollipop!!!

It was a pleasure to see Bernaaard ‘the flying arse’ out last night, but he was however very quiet, obviously missing the ‘special’ close companionship he shares with the voyeuristic Chrissie, who for the second week running was absent.

The rest of the evening proceeded as usual, with the Captain predictably getting drunk, Crock being rude to Cunny and Quim and Kev the Gallon, who had reappeared, scoffing on his peanuts. The time was soon upon us when everyone started to leave, it was quite uneventful apart from the fact that we have a bike saboteur amongst us. Someone decided it would be funny to hide everyone’s front wheel and the culprit will be found out!! For Ant, who again was last to leave, his evening was not quite over.

Whether it be the hospitality he had enjoyed courtesy of Cunny and Quim, or the excitement of seeing a colleague of his, he obviously wasn’t concentrating on the way home and ended upside down in a hedge!!!

As ever a few mentions to conclude things, Cardiff Council have employed Gaz (Chris Reeves) who has been blowing on the winter wonderland ice rink at regular intervals to keep it perfectly frozen over. 13 consective days in work now for Ant, who excitedly informed us that his workmates preferences are Yorkshire Tea and Kenco decaffeinated!! And of course the Captain, who actually left half a pint on the bar last night, this has been noted!

Finally, here is a poem written about our wonderful Captain

 

WHO AM I?

With that funny tongue between his lips,

some say he looks like Bernard Scripps.

With wispy hair and balding slap,

I now know why he wears a cap.

But as the veteran member of the team,

you should set an example or so it would seem.

But when we’re out on the track or trail,

this is where you badly fail.

Wearing knitted jerseys from a bygone age,

when Arrow Cycles were all the rage.

You insist on telling us how good you were,

when your cycling feats would regularly occur.

But now you rarely work those cogs,

instead you spit on little dogs.

This is sad or some might say,

that a once great man has lost his way.

But don’t despair and lose your heart,

because there’s always a place for a boring old fart.

 

RS James 2004