I’d like to take this brief opportunity to thank option for allowing me contribute to his odes. I only hope I can match previous silver toughed bards such as the Oompa Loompa, Gaz and the stunt superlative.

As you may or may not be aware I have been unable to ride for the last couple of weeks due to an unfortunate incident on the infamous Blips leap with my folding rock lobster bike (although, it was well documented in previous ride reports). So it was with some apprehension that I began the nights ride on my new reinforced steed (thanks to shop for some spiffing rebuilding work!!).

It was a very wet (otters pocket-like) night but never the less, a good turn out of 12 riders. A warm welcome was extended to a new rider, Frank ‘the bus’. Every body assumed he was a mate of Dai ‘shop’ but when challenged on this subject shop said ‘I‘ve never met the bloke before, I’m just tapping him for a bit of business!’

A few notable absentees from the ride: Most disturbing was the no show from designated ride leader Beaker-Tourettes-Wherlock. We were informed on the QT that he had actually forgotten about his Jim Henson creature workshop reunion. Which saw him re-united with old chums; Animal and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. Only one other rider has failed to lead fellow moos, that was the heartbeat look-alike, split-tongued, tour of Germany stage winning coffin dodger – Scrippsy. And he has now ended up with a yellow card for persistent lack of commitment. Beware Beaker, that same honour could be bestowed upon you. The afore mentioned (old) moo was also absent (lucky for him after his vicious character assassination on myself in a previous ride report), allegedly he was taking part in a naturist boot camp at Biffins bridge with other likeminded nudies. The vice-captain was also absent, word had come through that after missing Jane Pettigrew’s book seminar he was summoned to attend the Brian Glover Tetley Tea Folk memorial tea tasting session. This took in a number of local hot beverage establishments.

Initially the ride was uneventful due to poor weather conditions but after venturing through the woods and across to the Ridgeway things began to pick up. It was a baptism of fire for our new rider Frank ‘the bus’ who had previously only ridden off road 4 times. On the Ridgeway he was overheard on the telephone saying “these guys are mad men!”.

But there was better to come when we reached the Col de Rudry. Dai ‘eye’ tackled a tricky step descent, off the car park, on a comical demo bike from Dai ‘shop’ only to show that a double susser will actually bounce a lot higher without a rider (he’ll never notice the wheel). Near the summit the moo train tackled a very wet descent down through the ferns, big smiles from all riders, with a lot of tank slapping action on the way down.

A ride could not pass without the stunt superlative, that is Chrissy Watkins, entering into mountain bike mayhem. The captain was treated to a demonstration of mountain bike monster truck action, as young Watkins rode over the top of him and his trusty bike in his usual gung-ho fashion!!

After brief refreshments in the Maen we preceded route 1 to HQ where food, warmth and monthly awards waited for the moos. On entering HQ, the normally loud mouthed strawberry blonde one, was rendered silent by the appearance of his future father-in-law. This was a rare sight but something savoured by all moos! Option was there to greet all returning riders, unfortunately his injury still preventing him from making a comeback. His previous tag as Willy Wonka’s favourite Oompa Loompa may now have to be superseded by his rapid transformation into Augustus Gloop. Eating a 2lb bar of chocolate on a regular basis can do this to an orange faced, green hair wonka worker.

A big THANK YOU must go to Tom and Option for 1. Giving me the unorthodox behaviour award for June for snapping my bike 2. Making me drink Dai ‘shops’ pint of Bow for him receiving rider of the month.

I’d also like to thank the ladies behind the bar, the people in the kitchen and everybody for a good ride.
Shred the Knarl dudes – that’s mountain biking!!

P.S. On a serious note Dai ‘eye’ had both his mountain bikes stolen by some low life scumbags, keep your eyes peeled for a strange square framed Pace and a Marin Wolfridge.

The Arse!