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Captain's Corner

9th March 2005
Chrissie Watkins is certainly not familiar with the phrase ‘grabbing the bull by the horns’ (or any other part of its anatomy for that matter), as last nights ride confirmed. Not that it wasn’t a good ride, but the dithering Ioan Gruffydd / Pete Sampras lookalike overshadowed the flowing aspects of the ride with his dithering behaviour, more reminiscent of a flustered Mavis Riley, the ex-Coronation Street stalwart, saying ‘Well I don’t really know!’ when asked where the ride was taking the Moos next!

It became noticeable early on in the ride that Nick ‘Lard Arse Poncherello’ Berni was making more of a concerted effort after having his legs ripped off him up Ochre Wyth by Scrippsy on the weekend! He did need some serious counselling and reassurance from the Captain after admitting that fateful Sunday morning climb was indeed the low point of his cycling career so far. However this renewed vigour did not last as Bernaaaard had to fall back on that old chestnut ‘my back brake is knackered’ routine, as he eventually succumbed to the burden of carrying his substantial rear end around with him. As Bernaaaard is the elected captain of my team in the Clic24 hr event, I must say that I am a little concerned with his cavalier attitude to his riding at present. To this extent I have assigned Dickie and Blip to act as Berni’s mentoring and coaching team for the next two months!

I am a little disappointed that one member has also reverted back to his ‘bad ways.’ Once again Oompah Loompah Option was kept back in work for putting too much cream in the Wonka Bars mix, and could once again only manage half a ride! I have had a word with Willy Wonka this morning who will have a quick chat with his chief worker today probably quoting the immortal line: Oompah Loompah dompity doo I've got another puzzle for you……………… Mr Wonka has agreed to install an exercise bike at the Chocolate factory, which will be hooked up to a stirring paddle for vat No 4 (the caramel delight mixture). The bike will have a length of bamboo attached to the front of it, with a pint of brains bitter dangling as a carrot, to inspire Option to work up a sweat.

………Oompah loompah dompity day cycle ten miles and a pint will come your way………..

This may seem like drastic action, but if this does not work then I’m afraid the next time you see Option he could look like this:

Option soon

Special thanks to the Moos Vice-Captain ‘Ryan the Steam’ for taking this weeks subs money. I’m sure that when I pick up the takings from him it will include a 10% surcharge!

The injury list continues with Dave Morgan picking up a graze to his eye. So all the best to Dave with his recovery also.

Have a good ride this coming weekend for Gaz’s birthday. Gaz will not be riding next Wednesday, so could we all make an effort to remember his birthday drink the week after next, when he will also take the ride.

Next weeks ride will be taken by Crock who has the opportunity to make up for the fact that that he has lost his 100% ride attendance. While we are on the subject of attendance there is only one Moo who has kept a 100% attendance record to date. I will mention no names, but I will say that his attitude this year has been exemplary, he has shown indomitable courage, sometimes in the face of adversity, and has been an example to established and aspiring Moos alike. If you are unsure who this person is here are few clues: He looks like a younger version of the Brazilian footballer ‘Rivaldo,’ has given up his share of rear end / backside to Berni and has muscular, firm (some would say skinny!) legs. If you still unsure please see the attendance sheet.

Next weeks ride, for obvious reasons, will have a Scottish theme.

All the best

One hundred percenter

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