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Captains Corner - Just like the Crap Old Days!

13th July 2005

Captain's Corner By Ex-Captain Scrippsy

While the Captain finds other ways of entertaining himself, climbing up Alpe D’huez. Scrippsy, your trustworthy, reliable, X leader is back, so if there any spelling/grammar errors that may appear in this Captains report, tough!

On a hot sweltering evening, Bernaard lead the way with the immortal words “Follow me, fellow Moos, I am your leader”. So 12 riders (including Paul, a new rider) set out behind Bernaard.

Into the forest, when Paul (as yet no nickname) decided to show some Moos how he could crash, with Crock giving some sound advice “Don’t worry son, there’s a lot more of that to come”, he was up and on his way. Up though the forest and onto to the infamous ‘Blips Leap’, where keeping up tradition leading by example, Bernaard threw his ‘Rock Lobster Team SL’, with gusto into the air, only to find on landing, his ‘Rock Lobster Team SL’ was no more!

All the Moos gathered round trying to get a glance at the broken ‘Rock Lobster’s Claw…. Voices were heard in the background,

"Oh that’s tragic!“

“It must have been his rather large ‘Lard Arse’, and the Lobster could take no more”!

“We warned him about his Lard Arse!"

“That going to cost him”…….”He can afford it, money's no object”…..

“Do you know Dai Shops number”….

“Lack of maintenance”

A certain Moo doubled up laughing, (we all know who that is, seems to find these situations amusing)!

The Moos could take no more of Bernaards embarrassing blubbering, so Gaz took it on himself to take control, and off the Moos went, leaving a very tearful Bernaard and his Rock Lobster (deceased) to make his own way back to headquarters. A photo of the broken ‘Rock Lobster is below, unfortunately Bernaard bent over just as the shutter closed.

Bernaards Broken Beast

Up the Ridgeway, Caerphilly Mountain, then on the descent, Harty the only man in the world who finds crash landing on his face a pleasure! You guessed it, he crash landed on his face.

Harty does it again!!

Yet again fellow Moos gathered round the very Dazed Harty reassuring him that his good looks are still in place. Hope is missus understands. I know his mother in law will!

On to Rudry common and down the descent when yet again Chrissie bailed out, has he ever got down that descent in one piece! Then the charge up to the Maen with Chrissie going for it!

The Maen being full, the blood stained Harty along with Paul took to the road to the Hollybush. The rest of us went onto ‘Garlic lane’, where everyone managed to complete it with stopping or crashing. Back to headquarters where Ryan the Dream who had just rode back from his shift on the railways was supping on his pint, waiting for the evenings stories to unfold.

Also there, was the rather melancholy figure of Option, feeling more and more frustrated with himself as the night went on, listening to the stories of yet another excellent evenings ride, and cursing Tom for crossing his path on that fateful drop…..

Bernaard turned up showing a lot of self control and managed to accept that his ‘Rock Lobster’ had given up the ghost on him, because of his rather large LARD ARSE!

Again many thanks to Gill & Bill for an excellent spread, the Moos appreciate it!

I hope Paul was not put of by Bernaards blubbering, the Moos look forward to riding with you on future rides.

As to the Captain, on holiday trying to be ‘King of the Mountains’. Get back hear as soon as you can, Bernaard needs some counseling!

Next weeks ride taken by Crock (Gollum). What’s on the menu, God only knows!

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