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Captain Beaker - How many off-of's will be written here

23rd January 2008

This week we were back to school….OLD SKOOL to be precise.

We were treated to two Old Skool rides this week; Gaz ‘Tucker’ Williams took us on an all time classic with a bit of a twist and the now retired Gordon ‘Compo’ Thornton took us on a roadies delight finale ride.

Old Skool Ride 1

Tucker led the band of merry old skools up Grange (Turners) Hill, which we all expected from him. What we didn’t expect was for him to turn right and take us along the Ridgeway track. This route was chosen in order to keep us dry and clean but the newly re-graded track still seemed to be soaking but it was at least fast and good fun. The descent down to the Sirhowy adventure centre was a good laugh and didn’t seem half as sketchy as before although Chrissie ‘Zammo – Just say no’ Watkins did seem to have trouble controlling his back end which he claimed as ‘his own style and it needs skill to pull off’.

We climbed back up along the fire roads and took a detour (the ‘Twist’ part of the ride) up through a new route that the Captain and Tucker Williams had previous discovered. We did get a bit lost which caused some moaning and groaning from Dickie ‘Pogo’ Watkins, ‘Gripper’ Steam and Russell ‘Roland’ but this was ignored and we ploughed on.

We arrived back at the School, sorry TA, unusually early for us so we had more time to drink beer, listen to one of my now traditional boring speeches…. they will go on every week until you stop heckling….. and to have the much awaited drink-off between next years Captain Knotty and the Half-pint pocket rocket from Bedwas Russell ‘Roland’ Patterson. Well, as you all know and could have guessed there was no contest and Russ set a super fast time of 5.20 secs for the Guinness (please note Marty).

As usual for those of you who didn’t hear or couldn’t be bothered to listen here are the highlights(!) of my speech:

Berni’s Stag Ride is on 17th May 2008 – More details to follow from ex-captain probably get the full details on the 16th!

Hoodies – 22 people have said they want them and we want small logo on front and Web-site on back in Brown or Khaki or cammo

13 people are interested in the 12 hour race in Bristol. That’s 3 teams of 4 (one Single Speed team I believe) and a geriatric, sorry, mechanic - Scrippsy!!

Karting at Newport in the Autumn – probably Oct or Nov

The stats are looking good already this year with notable 100%ers:

Captain – leading from the front, Burni, Ex-Cap, Gaz, Harty, the Slug and his brother Pellet, Vice, Eye, Steam, Reg, Russell and Jim.

But we do have a few strugglers though on 25% or below:

Lord F, Jock and Phil

Old Skool Ride 2

Sunday 26th January 2008 will go down in history as Gordon ‘Compo’ Thornton’s Retirement ride…. with next year being his memorial ride (alive or not) and what a ride!! He certainly didn’t disappoint with a lack of variety and bad timing - I have a lot to learn.

We don’t normally go straight up the Ochrwyth hill and it shows as the 29 Moos and Goons soon got strung out like a mountain stage of the Tour. It certainly gave those at the front a long time to chat waiting for the stragglers to catch up. We even had time to sniff Option’s panty-pad which he was using to protect his “Coccyx”…. thanks Option’s.

The ride was cut short unfortunately due to the large turn-out but we still had a laugh racing down the zig-zags to the tips managed to squeeze in a quick pint in the Church House.
Most of the Moos went to the Forge Hammer for another pint while Options and his crew went back to the TA to prepare for the nights entertainment…

Hat’s off to Options and his players for staging such a well thought out and funny ‘This is your Life’ for the old git. I’m sure most people haven’t laughed that much since Crock got his cock stuck in the mangle and Peely is definitely in the wrong job…. where did he learn to act like that?

As the current Captain, it was my duty to do the final speech and I was s**tting myself especially trying to follow Options and the crew. A couple of Stella’s helped to calm the nerves and get the Tourettes flowing, I managed to do my bit without making too much of a tw*t of myself.

We finished with another Option’s Production - The Miggly Moos 2007 DVD which again went down a storm. The night carried on until the wee small hours where a few too many beers were drunk and a great time had by all.

I’d like to thank:
Everyone for turning up; Moos, Goons and Wags, without you there would have been no event.
The TA for putting on the food and putting up with us.
Options and Crew for the entertainment
Gordon and Sue for being such good sports

GORDON…Enjoy your retirement you old dog, and see you on Wednesday!!

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