Back to the Good Old Days

Last weeks ride was sabotaged by a selected troupe of riders who were commissioned by the higher authority of skilled mountain bikers in the club, namely Ade & Beaker, to remain in the Maenllwyd and consume some of the ‘liquid refreshments’, rather than go out and get ‘refreshed in liquid’, gentleman, I advise that for a second week running, the drinking exploits of certain individuals has over-shadowed the cycling stories of the week.

This week, Gaz & Johnsy led another troupe of riders out of the comforts of the T.A and encouraged them to visit the recently departed Mr Thornton, as he had earlier let slip that his good lady wife was away for the night. Upon reaching Mr Scripps’s drive where the good natured citizen was just closing his garage door only to be halted by Mr Peal, Mr Schlong, Mr Gonzo and Mr Duvall (Harty please take note Mr Griffiths wants his look alike to be changed to Robert Duvall – there is a likeness) or Geoff Thomas the ex-Crystal Palace and England footballer – Gaz and Johnsy had departed for home – sensible move lads.

‘Hello lads, what’s up?’ said the rather shocked Mr Scripps.
‘Nothing Gord, just coming for that party you told us about’ said Mr Peal
‘I’m not having a party’ said Gordon in a rather commanding tone
‘Got any Beer Gord?’ questioned Mr Gonzo
‘I only got one bottle’ stated Mr Scripps
‘That’s ok we will share it’ stated the four un-welcomed visitors
‘I got some wine here, though’ – immediately realising the mistake he had just made, Mr Scripps ordered us to undress, if we wanted to enter the Scripps’ abode.

While sitting partly clothed on his Leather three piece, Mr Scripps appeared with a choice of drink – ‘Red, White or Rose. Lad’s’ he asked
‘Red, please’ said Mr Gonzo, ‘I’ll have a white’ said Mr Griffiths, ‘I only like Rose’, stated Mr Ryan – so gentleman there we have it three opened bottles of Wine. Gullable old fool.

He then subjected us to the most utter load of OLLOCKS that I have ever heard in my life.

‘See that painting on the wall there, I drew that’ he claimed
‘Want to see my cycling trophies? I got loads upstairs’ he said
‘Did I ever tell you that my family are the name behind the famous chocolate brand’, claimed Mr Thornton
‘What, Cadbury’s?’ said Mr Gonzo
‘I am Forty next birthday’, he spluttered through false teeth and an incoherent mumble resembling someone closing in on eighty.

The Painting was supposed to be his own sketch of a large eared Indian elephant in the Kerala Sanctuary. Well we all know that the larger eared elephants are in fact African and for his claim of it being in the Kerala sanctuary, well I have never seen as set of Machen RFC, Blue and White Rugby Posts on an Indian Elephant sanctuary! Bloody Fool!

The cycling award, gentleman was supposed to have been for being the first rider in Newport Phoenix Cycling Club’s history to have completed a set distance in under 2 hours, this he claimed to have achieved in 1970. Well, can you imagine the shock on his deceitful face when Mr Griffiths challenged him with the fact that the silver plate he was showing us was actually presented in 1965 – 5 years before he claimed to have completed this task! – Bloody Liar!

The chocolate business, he claimed had been his distant relatives business, established in 1911, and he was actually The Boss in c. 1972. This has proved another fraudulent claim as it has been investigated that whilst he did part time work in a local factory in c. 1975 he had become known by his Young male colleagues as the ‘Chief Filler Inner’. Having devised names for the soft centred varieties, such as Strawberry Semen, Juicy Jizz and Caramel Cum, Mr Thornton was actually arrested and imprisoned! Bloody Sicko!

And as for being Forty, well the only resemblance to anything near Forty, is Basil Bloody Forty, of Forty Towers Fame!!!!!

Needless to say that a further Two bottles were consumed and then the Courvoisier had a bit of a hammering until the four un-welcomed guests were sent on their way at 2.30 a.m.

Whoops of laughter were had while leaving the premises, as Mr Scripps had not seen the For Sale sign that Mr Ryan had conveniently planted in his garden.

It has to be said that a fun evening was had by all and just as well I had the day off on Thursday, unlike Messrs Ryan and Wright.

Thanks Gord – ‘Just Like The Old Days, Eh!’

NB – Please note that Mr Scripps was last seen at c. 6.00 a.m. Friday morning fixing the for sale sign outside Mr Ryan’s house, only for him to be caught in the act by Ant’s neighbour, who asked if they were moving? too which the reply she got was ‘Yes, they are moving’ claimed Mr Scripps, and ‘good riddance to them as he is nothing but a horrible man’.

Shocked and upset the little old lady went away.