THIS REPORT HAS FINALLY BEEN DONE.
Gordon Brown was Prime Minister, George Bush was President, Dickie was fit and Geoffrey was fat, Scrippsy was only in the early stages of dementia, and Johnsy was still producing full fat.............erm he still is, and everyone thought that a vuvuzeller was a prostitute!!!! That was the state of play the last time I wrote a ride report, and I must say what an honour and privilege it was to be asked by the Captain to lead the ride and to write the subsequent ride report.
With many of the lads swapping pedals for engines this week, with Schlong, Tom, Crock, Billy Evans and Feather amongst others deciding to go on a trip to Spain and France on their motorbikes, numbers were down but we still had 24 riders.
With the impending Bikefest, I decided to keep it short and sharp and have an early finish, so with a brisk climb up through the woods, it was down Garlic Lane, which was surprisingly stickier than a Scrippsy trip down Biffins!! It was here that we were told in 'confidence' by our illustrious leader that Jesus was having a supper, although probably not his last, and that Scrippsy was attending, so we decided to have a ride past to see what was going on. With the crowd gathering outside his house, Jesus appeared to address the multitude, he announced that his disciple hadn't turned up but was pleased to see that he hadn't betrayed him by joining the evening's ride, he also made a prophecy, that the Big Nosed One from Nose City, was to have a long and difficult road ahead of him, but that he would make it in the end, this indeed did prove truthful, as half an hour later Wrighty reached the top of Ochyrwyth breathing heavily through his ample nasal organ!!!! So without a fish or loaf of bread in sight, we set off once again.
Reconvening at the cattle grid, news had started to filter through on how the boys' trip was going in the Pyrenees, apparently after the 20 hr boat trip from Plymouth to Santander, they'd arrived fully refreshed after a good night's sleep, maybe it was down to the monotonous hypnotic drone of the four MTU 20 cylinder 1163 series diesel engines that powered the huge craft, but more than likely it was the fact that Feather was telling everyone a bed time story!!!!
Onwards and upwards and the route took us down the rocky track and around to the concrete path, it was here that our flatlander Marty, who had recently become a dad, started to struggle and forged on up to the mast on a one man breakaway, gasping for air as he tried to pull his weary body around at the back of the herd, apparently he's only had a few hours sleep in the last 3 weeks.........FEATHER!!!!!!!!!!!
There was an equal amount of walkers and riders on the concrete path as we continued our ascent to the top, it was here that Marty rejoined the herd and we met up with Jock, and as it was half term he had swiftly taken his little boy up the trig point. Refreshments were calling, so it was off down The Carpet Run to the clearing, and then a quick push back up The Front Bum to complete the ride with a scorching descent down to the Graig View garages.
With the relatively early time of 2030hrs, we decided to nip into the Royal Oak to rehydrate, it was here that Roger Parnell held court for the first time in nearly 18 months of riding, and blinded us with a session of his quick wit and repartee, delivered in an unerring monosyllabic tone, which even managed to make the beer go flat, guess who's room you're in on the summer trip Rog!!!!!!
Back to HQ where once again there was a lovely spread laid on by the ladies behind the thing, and everyone settled down for a good evenings drinking. After about an hour, after all the dead wood had been shifted and moved off home, it was left to the usual members of the Clique to carry on the nights festivities. At this point we were joined by 'larger than life' Dickie Watkins.... yes he really is larger than life!! And our very own shadow dancing tiptoeing Chinese Cracker Rob Newbury.
It must have been a good weeks business down at the 'Aromatic Duck', because our favourite Chinese let us all take away a pint from the bar, paid for from his own pocket. Seven pints and a meat pie for Dickie, thank you very much saarrr!!!!!
Just before we departed Dickie admitted that he's had a little problem. For although he obviously hasn't struggled feeding himself, apparently he hasn't been feeding the pony correctly, so a bit of advice was dished out, offer your hand up slowly but firmly, just until the lips start slobbering and then apparently its plain sailing from there on in!!!! Good luck son!!
All the best
p.s. All characters in this story are not fictitious and entirely truthful, any references made to anyone alive or dead were totally intended, along with any hurt, pain or embarrassment caused. There were no coincidences in this story, and apart from the pony, no animals suffered!!