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Beaker's Blurb... Crap Speeches in print

3rd February 2010

Beakers Drivel

It’s been a long time since I have written one of these ride reports so I was struggling to know where to start…. should I mention the weather, the great turn out of 19 Moos or should I go into detail about how I conceived the route…. no I thought I’d point out what a Camel Toe is for those of you confused by Options comments about the alleged appearance of one such item after I donned the new leaders apparel. What I was sporting was an unfortunate crease whereas this is a Camel Toe….

Now that has been cleared up I can get back to the ride. As predicted by some, I decided Turners was needed for my ride followed by trails and singletrack that I thought may keep us relatively clean, keep everyone together and stop Phyllis Howells from moaning. Unfortunately, due to the amount of rain we had there was nowhere to hide from the mud and wet but we did end up descending down Machen mountain using on a few trails that me hadn’t used for a while including the pine tree singletrack and the greasy steps down to the velvet.

No major off’s down these sections although Jock and Steam did complain that they were a bit out of control which can only be put down to their age and unsteadiness on their feet and Phyllis was seen inspecting damage to his leg and moaning.

The final decent of the night took us down the shoot and across to the pallet. Again this was extremely slippery catching out a few more experience Moos and causing one of the biggest crashes of the year witnessed by Gaz…. apparently Schlong got it all wrong in the trees and went a flyer. He seemed to sustain no obvious damage but it is difficult to tell nowadays as dribbling and casual throw-ups seem to be normal behavior.

We had an early finish back at the TA for the usual food and banter…. conversation was slow at the start due to lack of beer but soon changed with a couple of beers on board, the appearance of the Moo heavyweights (Dicky and OBE) and a bit of footie on the TV.

It was nice to see the Vice captain Johnnsy living up to his potential making sure the herd got around the route (bringing up the rear) and escorting Griff back to Machen after he wrecked his rear mech hanger….it had nothing to do with being tired though!

Noticeable absentees:

The Jones Twins – Too busy digging holes and buying trucks
Ex Captain Knottwit – In Bed again
Ade – Too wet, too dark, too early/late, too wintery
Kev the Plane – Still doesn’t like the Captain
Our Mark – Still trying to fit chain device
Farquar – Stayed in to polish his head
Stunty – Mojo still lost and mother-in-law staying over
Scrippsy – Stayed in to play with his new cock
Shame on all of you.

That’s it for another year from me.

Meep Meep


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