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Berni's Bleatings

5th May 2010

Well, it’s been a while since a mildly tanned rider has been has been given the opportunity to lead a ride and compose a ride report. This momentous occasion is right up there with Nelson Mandela’s release from Robben Island!

A great turnout, 25 riders, helped by wonderful weather and the buoyant club mood spilling over from the previous week’s sports night. There were however a number of notable absentees:

• Johnny ‘Gonzo’ Wright – $6 million man being put back together
• Robert ‘Option’ James – Grazed Knee
• Steve ‘the arse’ Hart – Checking lampposts
• Richard ‘Dickie’ Watkins – Handcuffs
• Martyn ‘Marty’ Roberts – General unfitness

With the assembled moos raring to go we opened the evening with a gentile climb up Lewis Street and across to the Cwm. This was hotly followed by the velvet ascent, for some riders this was proving a bridge too far. But it gave us the opportunity to observe some new warning signs that had been erected in light of the down hill mayhem from last week.

Warning - Flying Gonzos ahead!

In no time at all the herd reached the mast where we were greeted by our old friends, the Goons. The ex-captain also decided to put in the usual half hearted appearance at this point, still grumbling about mountain biking. With a few words of racial encouragement from the gap toothed one we set off on a top to bottom sprint, the open section, carpet and the front bum. Finally ending up at the garages, some riders may need to work on their down hilling (mentioning no names – Simon).

The next step in the extravaganza was a short climb up through the forestry. This had been the scene of some shock defeats in the previous week’s sports night. Most memorable was OBE taking yours truly to the proverbial cleaners. Unfortunately it looked like his new found powers were wearing out along with his inner tube. Another casualty of the forestry climb was the ever green Nick Brain, excess rider weight led to a split tyre, apparently?
With a few more words of racial encouragement from the gap toothed one the herd descended through the forestry on to Rhydygwern lane. Thirst was now staring to become an increasingly big problem, would we stop at the Hollybush or would we push the pace and head for the Maen. With the prospect of Crockett getting ‘lucky with ladies’ it was decided we’d head for the Maen. One more leg busting climb stood between riders and beer, this was all the motivation that was required.

With the final words of racial encouragement from the gap toothed one it was a short, sharp blast to the Maen. Where a well earned beer or two was enjoyed by all. During polite chit chat at the pub a sharp eyed Tony Schlong noticed that Crockett’s usual high standard of personal hygiene (minus breath) was slipping. Fortunately the big thumbed one was able offer Crockett a shower in a box, cleanliness restored! Back to HQ for some well deserved Ken’s chips and tasty hotdogs!

Thanks for listening

Ciao

Bernaard

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