Lovely Day

The recent dry weather has made for some fantastic riding conditions and sun continued to shine as the herd gathered. Rain coats and tights were replaced with t-shirts and shorts as we headed out from the Legion at 7:45 pm. Prominent absentees were Bubba Berni, Dickie, Option, Stunty, Spindles and, despite the near perfect conditions, Ade. However, the good weather did see the welcome return of Brainy to the herd. I am a little disappointed that the festering, p*ss-stained, turd of an ex-roadie, Bernard Scripps could not drag himself off his leaky commode to attend my ride.

So, hiding my disappointment, I set off towards Perrot’s field via Graig View with the herd in pursuit and a well-hatched plan for a mix of pain and pleasure. I thought briefly that Scrippsy had caught us up while we crossed the railway line at the top of Chatham Street because there was the stench of doggie do-do around. Alas, no. It turns out that my back tyre and shoes were smeared with it. I gave directions as to the first stop point and assumed the role of ‘tail-end Charley’ as we made our way up Perrot’s field towards the mast. It was during this climb that Griff had an Optionesque moment as his front tyre popped off and boa constrictor that was his tube sprang out at him. This glitch was soon remedied and we joined the herd that was grazing at the top of the climb. It was here that the now obligatory calls of “Yes Sirrrr!” could be heard in child-like voices following my instructions to storm the mast from the front (You know who you are!).

Having succeeded in the first of the ‘pushes’, we sprinted off the mast and down the chute down to the bomb hole. The chosen trail to the turning circle was ‘Carpet Trail’. This old favourite had benefited from the dry spell and was good ’n fast. Enjoyed by all except our newest rider, Simon, who seemed to have had an off and picked up a few ‘carpet burns’. Having gone up to come down the scree slope, we took on the three bus stops. These little drops took some riders by surprise, with our captain receiving a painful injury to his pinky as he jammed it in his break lever, whilst for others, four, eight and twelve faults were picked up by those who had refusals. Luckily, none of the riders were unseated. However, failure was rife as every Moo except for Beaker, Gaz, Harty and I took the ‘chicken run’ past the awkward little quarry section. You should be ashamed of yourselves! Remember, pain is short-lived but cowardice lasts a lifetime!

Next we took a little stroll over the stream at The Cwm and up to the fire road on our second ascent to the mast. We paid the price for taking the short cut up the field to the front of the tips as requests to limit the climbing were heard. Legs were now beginning to weaken as darkness fell. Instead of gathering the herd together at the trig point I waved the steady stream of riders down the chute for a second time, but this time the decent would be the ‘Front Trail’ or, as it is becoming known as the ‘front bum’. This route was pure enjoyment as the firm, dry terrain provided the ideal conditions for us to ‘shred the gnarl’. All except Tom and I, who had the ponderous task of shepherding Wrighty along in the dark as he had no lights. Did he really think that he was going to finish whilst it was still light!!

My departing instruction to the riders as they passed me at the top was to congregate for a few thirst quenchers at The Forge. ‘Nuclear Browns’ sampled, we headed back to HQ where we enjoyed the well-earned pie and chips (I’m going to have to take my time eating these pies in future as it’s the second time that I’ve taken the roof of my mouth off with these fiendishly hot pots of loveliness!) No announcements were made, Scrippsy didn’t appear but Dai Eye received the increasingly smelly thong as next week’s ride leader.

Toodle-loo for now,

Jimmy ‘Victor Pierlugi’ Mac