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The new Captian addresses the troops!

2nd January 2011

Super cider Sunday

Riders attended were, Capt Daf , Vice Newbs, Pealy, Johnsy, Griff ,Schlong, Opts, Gaz, Knotty, Jock, Crock, Big Mike, Feather, Glanmor, RussLudlow, Reg, OBE, Budgie, Kev the plane, Julian, Lewis, Dai the eye & Bernie.

Noteable absentees who said they were coming :

Wrighty – Pissed up at 11.30am, Chrissie Watkins – still hungover from boxing day, Dickie Watkins – he had to tidy his house! (and I have still kept the text if anyone wants to see it)

Weather : Dry with snow in the air

Ground : Dampish

Temp 2-3 degrees

Turnout an impressive 23

As it was the start to a new year and also a new start at Captaincy, Capt Daf Williams and Vice Newbs Organised a “handover ride” which just so happened to fall on a super cider Sunday . The meet was at 2pm on the swamp bridge and an impressive 23 riders showed up ready to ride a bit and drink a lot .

Captain Daf took the front and headed to Lower Machen, then up Ocherwyth to the T junction . The pack looked a little lethargic and me thinks that the over indulgence at Christmas was certainly showing its effects within the first 15 minutes of the ride .

Orrible Ant and Vice Newb were tail end Charlies for most of the journey until half way up Ocherwyth. At first I thought this was just a kind gesture from Ant, as he was keeping big Mikey company at the rear, but it then soon emerged that he was knackered due to a 3.5hr road bike ride he done that morning with the much better looking and nicer Ant . There were a few other faces looking unusually more flustered by the time Mount Ocherwyth was conquered, but the prize for most F***ed rider must go to Big Mike himself who broke all records by spewing 3 times on the way up . Well done Mike . He made a speedy recovery as soon as we informed him that it was now all downhill to the Rhiwderin Inn . (Or so we thought).

We then took a right into the forestry and had a 20 minute mess about in the local woods there lead by Dai Eye which was enjoyable .

But the drinkers in the pack were starting to grumble . The unrest was building and it wasn’t long before a voice shouted “Do they not realise we are missing valuable f**king drinking time !!”.

The course direction immediately changed by Dai Eye without another word being spoken . We were on course for the Rhiwderin Inn and Big Mike was starting to grin !

Straight to the bar with the bikes dumped , we had one pint which flew down and didn’t even touch the sides . A blonde girl from Machen entered the pub looking for Feather .

The lads were quietly impressed at Feathers new found skills, as the chick wasn’t half bad.

When the subject was brought up with Feather regarding if he had “given her one”, he replied , “no, I have been trying really hard for ages, but I’ve been told I have to just settle just for friendship”.

We then admired his honesty- not his skills.

Over to the friendly fox for 2 pints . It was at this stage that Capt Daft announced a birthday drink for Option and also Ethnic no1. – Our brown friend Bernie. The drinking contest was a close one , but Option managed his only sprint finish in a long time and won by a comfortable second or 2.

Next stop was the Tredegar Arms at the end of Bassaleg. Bikes again dumped outside the door. This pub was classified as a 2 pint pub by Cap Daf. The troops were getting a little beery by this stage . This could be detected by the fact that some of the bikes were starting to get dismantled and then seemed to appear on near by buildings and roofs. At one stage I was having a pee next to 3 other riders who all had their dicks in one hand and their seat posts in the other !

Next Stop the Ruperra arms . This was just a one pint pub (at first), as indicated by the captain . But half way through the first pint , the Cap made a announcement that the bus was to be caught on the way home. Some decided that the bus was not for them and decided to head back to the TA in Machen on their bikes , but some stayed with Capt and Vice to catch the bus .

On leaving the pub , We noticed that Capt Daf had decided to leave his troops and mutineer himself . Word of this terrible crime has rocked the south Wales valley and has even found its way into the western mail. (I have attached the clip)

Click to Enlarge

The bus took forever to come, much to the dismay of a frozen Lewis Bignall who had been on the thankless job of bus look out duty , while the rest had another pint . But eventually , following a skilled piece of bartering by the Vice with the bus driver for 2 seconds , the moos were on the bus – with bikes as hand luggage and we were off to Machen .

Not even a minute into the journey, the bus driver had to stop at the next bus stop outside the friendly fox. If the fact that 6 fully grown drunk men who were covered in mud carrying mountain bikes and basically cluttering the bus wasn’t funny enough this happened next......

As the bus pulled in to the next stop, a scream from Pealy cried out “OH NO !! ITS MY MAM AND DAD ! MY MAM AND DAD ARE GETTING ON“ ! We looked out the window and sure enough it was pealys parents who were climbing aboard with their friends . Following fits of laughter from all parties involved and then them fighting their way to the seats over 6 muddy bikes , the driver was told to stop outside the TA. Although no bus stop at the T.A, he stopped anyway at the door to a warm welcoming crowd who seemed to find our bus trip as funny as us.

My last memory of the TA was Crockett putting Big Mike on the scales . Mike got on ,then they went up to 23st then error’d out ! Crockett laughed ! And thats the truth !

The rest of the evening is a little too hazey to recall, but all in all a fantastic introduction to 2011 and a thoroughly good day of fun had by all.

Thanks for reading .

Newbs , Kamakazee Ken , tiptoes, Dr Bob, Owchi Min, and the list goes on.....

Vice 2011

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