Miggly Moos - Click for Homepage

Click to see the Miggly Moos
Click for Ride Reports
Click for Moo Merits
Click to see Current and Old Captains and Vice Captains
Click to see our Rogue's Gallery
Click to see our Action Videos
Click for Moo Newsletters

Click to see winners of our Awards
Click to see Celebrities wearing our Wonderful Shirts
Click to See People who look like us
Click to see our shirts in Foreign Pastures
Click to see the 'Blasts from the past'
Click for Moos in print

Click to see some Damaged Moos
Click to see our Forthcoming Events
Moos quick enough to win things!
Click for directions to Machen
Click to see links to our web friends
Click to Contact the Moos

Welcome the new Captaincy

2nd February 2011

Tales of the unexpected

Being an ex ex ex Captain of the Miggly Moos I get the privilege of leading a ride early in the year. As we are still in the midst of our winter and the weather is often appalling the route selection is always a bit of a headache but this year I was blessed with perfect winter conditions and so I could stick to my intended route.

Over thirty Moos started the ride from the Legion and we preceded up to the Machen woods for a loop with a difference. Little did I know what was awaiting me? Every thing was going on fine with the usual banter and high spirits….until we had our first crash. It was Gaz, nothing unusual there, until I found out that he made the mistake whilst under pressure from Lewis….very strange indeed. Perhaps this was the start of things to come!

We descended down the quarry with no further incidents and proceed up the grueling Ocerwyth climb to the mast losing a few Moos on the way with our first mutiny of the year….this will always be their loss as what happened next will go down in history with the Miggly Moos.

As ride leader I felt it was my duty to arrive at the top of the mountain first, closely followed by Gaz. As we approached the trig point I could make out a figure silhouetted against the moonlight banging out press-up’s by the dozen. As we got closer Gaz and myself realized simultaneously who it was.

‘F**k me’ exclaimed Gaz ‘It’s Daley Thompson!’

This remark awoke the former Olympic champion out of his exercise trance ‘Owight Boys’ he exclaimed ‘nice night for it’ and proceeded to stretch.

‘Lovely day’ I replied failing to act cool.

‘What the f**k is a former Olympic champion and star of his own computer game doing up here?’ Gaz says

‘Well, you will never believe it but I am staring in a musical about my life it’s called “Decathlon Man” in Newport theatre, but it’s not what you think, honest….’

At that point the rest the Moos turn up at the top of the mountain and were similarly impressed by who we had found.

Daley continued ‘….it’s about 10 sexual episodes I have supposed to have had in my life. None of it’s true but I am broke so I have no choice. It is that twat Akabusi it’s his life story and he’s financing it out of his winnings‘

‘The thing is boys no one believes my when I tell them about what Chris is like, they are all fooled by his alleged Christian beliefs and jolly happy persona’

‘Let me tell you (he must have met Tom before – ed) one of his stories and you can see for yourselves…..’

Akabusi sat in his Vauxhall Corsa as it passed through the car wash humming the theme tune from Record Breakers. All the windows were soaped up and no one could see in so, for the briefest moments, he thought about having a w*nk. But his two kids were in the back so he decided against it.

After dropping them off at school, Akabusi was at a loss as to how to fill his day. He was delivering a motivational speech to a bunch of spastics tonight in Stevenage so he didn't want to over do it. He felt a twinge in his back. It had been aching since him and John Fashanu had wrestled naked in front of a roaring fire at Fash's £128,700 mansion in Hemel Hempstead. Akabusi had smashed a porcelain bust of Justin and he had had to leave.

Before he knew it he was at a massage parlour and had paid his £10 entry. Before he could get to the changing rooms he slipped out of his pin stripe dungerees and could feel the fragrant steam of the sauna tickle his massive balls like a poacher under a trout.

He applied a towel to his lower torso, barely able to conceal his pulsating ebony fire hydrant. He stepped into the room and lay down on the pleather massage table pushing his face through the hole and letting his c*ck hang over the side.

Behind him the door opened and Akabusi's p*ssy senses were raised to Severe. The aroma of chicken and sweetcorn soup and Morecambe Bay cockles hit him like a steam train and he knew right then that he would sire another child.

Small hands covered in oil began to explore his muscular, Nigerian coffee coloured bodywork. As the girl's hands reached his proud buttocks he tried everything in his power to conceal a huge fart he had been brewing since he'd parked in the multi storey car park.

When the girl slipped a greasy little finger up his April he let out a yelp and nearly roared "Awooga" but he stopped himself. The hands of the girl motioned him to turn over, which he duly did.

His eyes found a young Chinese girl wearing a little white tunic which he knew concealed a pair of juicy little bristols and almost certainly a clunge as ripe and yellow as a week old banana. As he lay on his back, blood rushed into his veiny Tower of Pisa quicker than Asians into a Cash And Carry at 8.59am. He lay there looking like a chocolate drawing pin as the girl starting applying more and more oil. He was so hard and tall that he worried slightly that the price of oil may be affected by his erection.

Her tiny hands kneeded his giant oak and at one point Akabusi half thought she was an Ewok trying to climb a Giant Red on Endor. He leapt up and ripped open her tunic revealing, as he had suspected, a gorgeous set of two tits, nipples as dark as Green and Black 70% and a p*ssy so wet and hairless he was reminded of Duncan Goodhew.

He dived into her like a released rapist and set about plunging into every orifice that was available and some that were not. Within hours he was on his vinegars and let rip with such a gush of s*unk that the poor girl tried in vein to make a call to the Morecambe Bay coastguard.

Spent, sweating and panting Akabusi untangled his yawning plonker and slipped on his dungerees. The girl, who later from police reports he found was called Hi Tide Run, lay on the floor, a shredded mess of manfat, baby oil, matted hair and rice. Akabusi looked at his Casio watch/calculator and saw that the spastic thing started in 20 minutes. He bent down over the Chinese meal he had just demolished, whisphered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.

‘The dirty b*stard’ exclaimed Scrippsy who was secretly impressed by the story.

We all wished Daley good luck and proceed down the mountain via Coffin and Nasty.

We arrived back at the TA for our refreshment knowing that we will never experience a night like that again….Gaz falling off whilst under pressure from Lewis, you’d never believe it!


March’s joint ‘Twat of the month’


Captains Addition

29 of the herd gathered at the Legion, all anticipating another slog of a ride, similar to Gaz's very wet ride with crazy D/H's. Although Beaker was cunning in his decision making for this ride.

We set off up towards the forestry scoping a few trails before heading up towards Ruppera Castle, where Beak had taken us on to a 'lush' bit of single track. Scrips was ready to pounce onto his bike only to discover that his seat post had been removed, and he fell on his ass. I heard him shout “where's my effing seat post Daffney.” After we all waited for Scrips at the bottom of this nice, newly discovered bit of single track we headed towards the Holly Bush. The Herds brakes slammed on!!!! as we went past, although Beak had other intentions:

“Head up Ochyrwyth and up to the Mast.”

There were a few grumbles amongst the herd for that decision Beaker, although regardless we all soldiered on. As we got on top of the Mast we noticed a Mutiny of riders descending down towards the See Saw (was it nice lads?!!!!) The rest of the herd dropped down on-towards the bus stop trails, and onto the Goon's drop where the crash of the year took place, just before the final drop, Nice Ant came off a cropper and tumbled down 15ft passing the tight switch backs doing roly pollies, definitely in contention for crash of the year. Finishing off down Cwmfedw. A couple of swiftys in the forge and then back to HQ.

All in all a good ride of different types of riding, Capt's favourite ride of the year so far..

Captain Daff

Back to Captain's CornerBack to Captain's Corner