Tales of the unexpected
Being an ex ex ex Captain of the Miggly Moos I get the privilege of leading a ride early in the year. As we are still in the midst of our winter and the weather is often appalling the route selection is always a bit of a headache but this year I was blessed with perfect winter conditions and so I could stick to my intended route.
Over thirty Moos started the ride from the Legion and we preceded up to the Machen woods for a loop with a difference. Little did I know what was awaiting me? Every thing was going on fine with the usual banter and high spirits….until we had our first crash. It was Gaz, nothing unusual there, until I found out that he made the mistake whilst under pressure from Lewis….very strange indeed. Perhaps this was the start of things to come!
We descended down the quarry with no further incidents and proceed up the grueling Ocerwyth climb to the mast losing a few Moos on the way with our first mutiny of the year….this will always be their loss as what happened next will go down in history with the Miggly Moos.
As ride leader I felt it was my duty to arrive at the top of the mountain first, closely followed by Gaz. As we approached the trig point I could make out a figure silhouetted against the moonlight banging out press-up’s by the dozen. As we got closer Gaz and myself realized simultaneously who it was.
‘F**k me’ exclaimed Gaz ‘It’s Daley Thompson!’
This remark awoke the former Olympic champion out of his exercise trance ‘Owight Boys’ he exclaimed ‘nice night for it’ and proceeded to stretch.
‘Lovely day’ I replied failing to act cool.
‘What the f**k is a former Olympic champion and star of his own computer game doing up here?’ Gaz says
‘Well, you will never believe it but I am staring in a musical about my life it’s called “Decathlon Man” in Newport theatre, but it’s not what you think, honest….’
At that point the rest the Moos turn up at the top of the mountain and were similarly impressed by who we had found.
Daley continued ‘….it’s about 10 sexual episodes I have supposed to have had in my life. None of it’s true but I am broke so I have no choice. It is that twat Akabusi it’s his life story and he’s financing it out of his winnings‘
‘The thing is boys no one believes my when I tell them about what Chris is like, they are all fooled by his alleged Christian beliefs and jolly happy persona’
‘Let me tell you (he must have met Tom before – ed) one of his stories and you can see for yourselves…..’
Akabusi sat in his Vauxhall Corsa as it passed through the car wash
humming the theme tune from Record Breakers. All the windows were soaped
up and no one could see in so, for the briefest moments, he thought
about having a w*nk. But his two kids were in the back so he decided
‘The dirty b*stard’ exclaimed Scrippsy who was secretly impressed by the story.
We all wished Daley good luck and proceed down the mountain via Coffin and Nasty.
We arrived back at the TA for our refreshment knowing that we will never experience a night like that again….Gaz falling off whilst under pressure from Lewis, you’d never believe it!
March’s joint ‘Twat of the month’
29 of the herd gathered at the Legion, all anticipating another slog of a ride, similar to Gaz's very wet ride with crazy D/H's. Although Beaker was cunning in his decision making for this ride.
We set off up towards the forestry scoping a few trails before heading up towards Ruppera Castle, where Beak had taken us on to a 'lush' bit of single track. Scrips was ready to pounce onto his bike only to discover that his seat post had been removed, and he fell on his ass. I heard him shout “where's my effing seat post Daffney.” After we all waited for Scrips at the bottom of this nice, newly discovered bit of single track we headed towards the Holly Bush. The Herds brakes slammed on!!!! as we went past, although Beak had other intentions:
“Head up Ochyrwyth and up to the Mast.”
There were a few grumbles amongst the herd for that decision Beaker, although regardless we all soldiered on. As we got on top of the Mast we noticed a Mutiny of riders descending down towards the See Saw (was it nice lads?!!!!) The rest of the herd dropped down on-towards the bus stop trails, and onto the Goon's drop where the crash of the year took place, just before the final drop, Nice Ant came off a cropper and tumbled down 15ft passing the tight switch backs doing roly pollies, definitely in contention for crash of the year. Finishing off down Cwmfedw. A couple of swiftys in the forge and then back to HQ.
All in all a good ride of different types of riding, Capt's favourite ride of the year so far..