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Welcome the new Captaincy

5th January 2011

Captain Daf’s first ride

The first ride of the year as Capt. 2011, wearing a pair of boxer shorts with kisses all over them as the new ride leader’s garment. 29 riders waited with high anticipation waiting to see what I had in stall for them. After an indulgent Christmas and New Year I thought the boys needed a turkey burner ride to lose a few excessive pounds we had all put on.

With a few moans and groans we ascended up Turner’s lane, there was a lot of coughs and talk about how ill the herd had been over the holidays, some explaining how much mucus they had been producing, some stating how long they had the squirts for!!!!

We all congregated up on top of the lane gathering around like penguins, as I counted the herd in Mark Owgie suggested there was a phantom Big Mikey who vanished up Turner’s Lane?? After discovering he was ‘bulling me’ we rolled on-wards and up-wards towards the top of 2 mile climb, and blasted down the Sirhowy D/H which was particularly wet and greasy. At the bottom of the Sirhowy walk we came across an xx Capt. He just telepathically knew we’d be coming down there! We made our way up towards Ynys Hwyel, but had to conquer some hazardous obstacles first, the giant landslide which took out the whole Ynys Ddu, the herd attempted to navigate around without success so decided to leap over the huge crater hole in an Evel Kenevil style leap of faith. (Well done boys, we did get over it, and some imaginations have gone wilder than others.)

We again began climbing and faced the 2 mile climb, some hoping we’d stray off course and ride an easier route back up, but my “Fascist nature” brought the herd back into line, and continued up. When we had all again gathered up on top of the tips we took the zig zags route down into ‘Mutineers country’ (Bedwas) and into the Church House. There I expected to be held up in kangaroo’s court, for my impulsive decision to leave some of the Herd in the Ruppera Arms on the Capt’s handover ride, especially my beloved Kato, whom I deeply regret leaving behind, and not pursuing my orders to strive on forth on to the Stage Coach bus, now my name has been ridiculed in the Western Mail, for which I must confront my demons and show I will not hide away from the embarrassing event. Moos it will not happen again, and yes my marriage is already under strain due to the mounting pressures of the Moos.
So I had to go and meet Juliet, Asha and Emma down the TA to consul my emotions, only to realise the only things mounting up was the tabs from SCS. A few surprised and gutted faces. Then the speech…………………………………………………………………………………………… I’ve forgotten what to say???? With a few shouts of “Sit down you C***” I came out with this:

Crap Speech

“Hello gentlemen and welcome to 2011, and your new elected captains of 2011, I’d like to reflect on the spectacular year the Moos have had last year and how well organised the events were. Neil and johnsy worked extremely hard to put it together and it’ll be a hard act to follow. So that brings us on to this year, and to consider, how can we compare? How can we improve? Well there maybe you sinics might say they won’t. And they might be right, but let me tell you all now, that this club is not a single/solo team, it’s a club whom everyone will need to club pull together in order to have the best year the Moo’s have had so far. This can only happen by each individual club member playing their part, this will be done over a beer, and I’ll be asking individuals to assist me in doing so. I’ll also be organising the ‘Moo’s Meeting’ which will help us better plan events, trips etc. This will consist of X captains and vices, the most recent to the most influential. And I will ‘embrace’ everyone to be able and approach me and vice with ideas to contribute to the club.

I would also like to announce a senior state’s man who hasn’t had the recognition that he deserves, he is like the Gerald Davies of the WRU, some say he ejaculates radio active semen which can be found in California others say he loves a fajitas, but all we’re going to know him as is The El Presidente’ as senior states’ man, Scrippsy. This title will obviously be passed down when he retires again, and passed down to the next senior state’s man, who will that be???.”

Next year’s schedule

1. Winter Trip to Aberyst-watch, 29th January. We already have 12 definites in place for the trip.
2. Capt Away Day, in the ‘rest week’ of 6 Nations. 19th Feb. This is a date set in consideration of the rugby so we can get as much as possible in-between the 6- Nations.
3. Sports Evening 1, 16th February, individual time trials collecting Q&A’s from around Machen at various trig points.
4. Machen Miggly Moos presents a Comedy Night @ the Leg-iron. 26th March. It’s the WAG’s Night. Venue will hold 120 people, want to sell tickets to the public to raise money for charity.
5. Capt Away Day 16th April
6. Sports Evening 2, 20th April. Team Event.
7. Bristol Bike Fest 11th-12th June Charity Event. Which will be for the autistic society?
8. Sports Event 3, 4 X Race, 25th June. Subject to change farmer’s commitments etc. Being respectful of Turner.
9. Sports Event 4, D/H Race, 6th August.
10. Summer Trip 2nd-3rd September, location to be arranged.
11. Rugby World Cup, no Autumn Internationals. Wales play in Pool D so look out for their fixtures. Starts 9th Sept-23rd Oct.
12. Klunker Classic Ride, 17th September, there are no clashes with Wales playing in Pool D.
13. Halloween Ride, 26th Oct.
14. Bomb a Moo Night Ride, 2nd Nov. Russ will you supply the ammo?
15. Santa Clause Ride, 14th Dec.
16. Presentation Night, 21st Dec.

So there you are gents a gentle bit of bed time reading.

Embrace your beers and keep on Mooing!!!

Captain Daf

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