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Russ' Revelations

7th September 2011

(Supposed to be Kev the plane's Ride) - Taken in emergency by Newbs

Following a rather hard weekend away in the Forest of Dean, it was always going to be a rather hard and lethargic Wednesday to drag a fair sized herd from their homes. The pretty dismal weather outside the window also didn’t help!

Although this was the case, we still managed to gather a pack of 18 riders. Kev the plane was supposed to take the ride, but cried off last minute and dropped the Vice Cap in the Sh*t. (Something about his new feet had arrived and needed to be signed for at the local DHL depot??)

So off we eventually go (7.07pm), after waiting for Feather/Crockett and a few others. Up Ochrwyth was the first stage.

After stopping at the T-junction for the pack to regroup, we then headed on up to the mast. The temperature was pretty chilly to put it mildly in the wind, so after getting 80% of the way up, some of the pack decided to shelter on the side of the mountain whilst some of the slower riders caught up. It was at this stage that we noticed James Shaglovely pushing 2 bikes up the side of the mountain, whilst new boy, (Big Ed), was walking behind him. It turns out that not only is James Shaglovely a part time French whore/ "Trannie" on the side, but he seems also to be earning a few extra quid as Big Eds Butler in the Buff. This was confirmed later in the evening when Big Ed was heard saying "Home James!!!" when they got in the car !

From the mast, bike lights were a necessity. The annual cliché’s were out in force…… and the old classic…"Winter has arrived over night lads!" could be heard on a few occasions from the miserable herd.

We made our way down to the bomb hole, then over the fence and in convoy down to the fire break.

This was our first real ride with bike lights on fully since last winter, so eyes were not fully adjusted. This was made even more apparent by local foreigner Jeff Wherlock riding off trails and straight through hedges like blind Pew!

To help some of the newer members out, Vice Capt stopped and pointed out the drop off at the edge of this descent. It was here that new boy Miles Saunders got it slightly wrong and ended up flying over the bars and bending his front wheel so bad it resembled a banana. Beaker to the scene – you know what I mean ! (F**k me I’m rapping).

Down then through the quarry to the Forge for a on route beer. This wasn’t to be and instead ended up being a few beers and the end of the ride. You know it’s sh*t outside when even Gaz wants to stay in the pub!!

Back to the TA for the weekly Sausage and chips…. Don’t moan!! (at least this week the sausages were warm!).

Couple of beers and then a couple more just the same. Only the hardcore stop outs were left. The time had gone 12pm and Russ Evans and some random drunk at the bar started trying to do BMX tricks on some of the bikes in the pub. First they started on Russell’s bike.

However this didn’t last long as Russell’s front brake wasn’t working very well, so somehow my bike was then thrown into the drunken bike pub fun arena! (I’m sure OBE had something to do with it , as I remember him laughing).

This was quite funny until Russels 18.6 stone of man lard went over the bars of my bike (into the Juke box) and bent my wheel into a figure of 8 ! Tw*t!

Ricey's Banana Wheel

Never mind, its all good fun !!

Next week’s Ride is to be taken by GOD himself. Reg the Lege Pitman.

Happy days


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