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Rice Captains Corner

22nd June 2011

The meeting of the Goons

A rather small number of Moos met at the legion for a night out of the village. We were off to meet the “Goons” in Risca. We left in convoy with Jeff Wherlock at the helm.

Just to help save confusion Budgie had kindly brought his TW*T Nav in case we got lost. (Apparently this is something that happens everytime we visit Risca).

Sad to say that the Tw*t Nav was about as useful as Dai Breadarms on a downhill. (but equally as destructive).

We ended up (on good authority from Budgie and Jock Greenhalf, who were both riding alongside me in my van) going down a very steep/ narrow hill that was to a bridge too thin to cross in my van. Jocks actual words were “Go on Newbs... I’ve got my 7 and a half tonner down there before now!" So like a fool I went for it! There was nowhere to turn around and the bridge was too thin!! I then had to reverse the van all the way back to the top of the hill negotiating a very steep u-bend , which basically almost set fire to my clutch.... Twice! The van stank of burning clutch and smoke pumped from under the bonnet, the boys laughed like f**k. What a start!

Then after negotiating almost every other hill in Risca, we eventually found the herd who were parked next to a canal waiting for their bikes to turn up (which were in my van).

Its almost sad that such an awful smell of a burning clutch could make so many grown men laugh! .........B**tards!

Bikes were soon quickly assembled and then we were on with the ride.

The ride headed towards Cwmcarn forestry on a narrow tarmac track next to a canal. 22 Moos attended and were also joined by a similar number of Goon riders. Beaker, Roger Purnell and Banana bike Jim were at the front of the herd when all of a sudden a horse that was heading towards us got spooked and dived into the canal with the rider still on its back. Luckily no one got injured and within 5 minutes the girl had dragged out the horse from the canal, emptied her riding boots of water and was on her way. A voice was herd from the back of the pack shouting “thats the first time you’ve made a bird wet for years Beaker” As we all laughed, the horse got spooked again when it looked at Roger Purnells teeth and almost dived back into the water ! (I think the horse thought they were related).

We pushed onward then up the forestry path in Cwmcarn. Marty was already looking a lovely shade of indigo at this stage, as the night was a particularly warm one. As the lovely fresh summers evening set upon us the birds tweeted and the squirrels played. The summers aroma of pine trees and the smell of fresh green grass was completely f***ed by the smell of my CLUTCH ! It had polluted my clothes, my nose, my hair, my surroundings! .......B**tards!

Most of the climbing that was done on the night was on the main forestry break. This was a plan that pleased the less enthusiastic climbers in the herd . (Me included)

Eventually we reached the top. One by one we let loose down the first stretch of the downhill. Tunnels. Burms, table tops and jumps all had to be negotiated properly and they were.

Second section was to push up to the downhill track.

Stage one of the Real downhill track was next on the agenda. We set off in convoy at a fair rate of knots. Peely seemed to be oblivious of the first table top and arguably had the best air of the evening (up to this point) and landed superbly as the Rice cap witnessed it all behind him. Johnsy was spotted half way down flying into a hedge. He’d got it horribly wrong on a tricky section and was seen making some very strange hand gestures and noises at himself whilst bleeding from the mouth. (Very funny indeed)

Stopping at the break in the track, the Goons then decided to take us to some new pastures. A track that not even many of the Goon riders themselves had seen.

A little push up and we were at the start of what looked like a tricky little section. A steep and greasy descent was at the start of the track, which had made a few riders get off the bike and walk the beginning. Some of the more courageous riders who went for it did seem to suffer though as the tricky little section created a few tumbles. Again noted in the bushes was Johnsy who by this stage looked more than ruffled. (Still very funny)

Then came the stage where there was a jump in between 2 trees with a 4 foot drop the other side on a downward hill. A few hesitant moos had congregated at the top of the jump to see how it worked when Billy the Willy Evans hit it at full speed and landed 20 foot at least from the jump. Fits of laughter followed Russ’ crazy leap, as nobody else could believe what he had done!!

Ade also pulled off the jump and was the only other moo to actually try it.

Then we headed back to the Prince of Wales pub......... following the smell of my van clutch all the way like the Bisto kids.

A few pints and a few sandwiches then at the Prince of Wales and we headed back to Hazard County.
A handful of Moos stayed at the Prince of Wales pub and the rest ended having few warm cans of Carling (don’t ask) back at the T.A .

Another great evening of MigglyMoo-Ism.

Next weeks ride is taken by the boy himself ... Lewis Bignall.

Your Nice Rice Vice Cap,


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